"I'm So Counterproductive!!"

I do not like to have a messy house, like most people, I'm sure.
My husband, on the other hand, is not like me or most people...

He could live in a mess for months, as long as it is "clean mess" (germaphobe!). This has been our biggest (thank the Lord!) point of contention in our 3-year marriage so far. Though the issue seems small when we're not in the heat of the moment, there have been many times in the middle of arguments where we've both thought, "How on earth are we going to live with each other FOREVER?!" 
Our cleaning styles are very different. I like to come home from work, make sure the house is picked up (or at least do some chores), then be able to sit down and relax knowing that the work is done and my house looks better than it did an hour prior. I know that if I sit down before getting work done, I will not get back up. Who wants to get up and clean when already laying down on the couch watching TV?! Certainly not me!
C, on the other hand, will do just about anything to get out of work. He only "enjoys" work (and I use that term loosely!) when he is so bored from sitting around doing nothing for a few days, that it actually would feel good to accomplish something! In our busy lives, sitting at home bored does not happen often... thus, he doesn't clean unless he "has" to - says me. :)

The other way we differ when it comes to cleaning is our attitudes while cleaning. I like to FOCUS and clean as hard and fast as I can, getting as much done in one fell swoop as possible. C is more likely to dawdle and move slowly while folding/straightening/picking up. I don't understand it! He hates to clean, but when he does it, he moves so slowly that it takes him forever! JUST GET THE JOB DONE! Makes no sense...

Cleaning together can be very frustrating because of this. In an effort to not get mad at each other so that we can enjoy our time together and actually like each other at the end of the day, we make an agreement before we get started that we are not going to fight, no matter what. This seems silly, but it works! Whenever we know we are pushing each other's buttons, we stop and try to restart our good attitudes towards the task at hand and towards each other.

Many times, in an effort to try to enjoy cleaning, C will turn on the TV, claiming he's cleaning while watching (though we both know he can't multi-task and ESPN is much more interesting to him!), or he'll try to turn on some music (but end up spending half an hour watching music videos on youtube!). I can't count the number of times I have to refrain myself from acting like his mother and "making" him turn the distractions off! But I am MUCH better at that and now I just ask him to do it, with a nice calm voice, and he will usually conform and we both stay happy! It's a miracle! :) If there is one piece of advice I'd give to newlyweds, it's to always speak with respect to each other... it goes FAR and you both stay much happier!

So last night was a designated cleaning night - our house was getting out of hand and that makes me irritated every time I walk in the door ("happy wife, happy life" anyone?!). So we made our non-fighting agreement and started working...well I tried to start working. C has a thing about putting off the inevitable. We first had to have dinner, then we had to lay on the couch and do nothing for a good ten minutes... then I put my foot down and said, "ok - we're cleaning! Let's go!" But of course, there's a time limit Caleb imposed on us because the NBA Draft Lottery was going to be on at 8, meanwhile it's already almost 7 and we have a whole house to clean!..

So I was working on cleaning up the first floor while Caleb was upstairs putting laundry away. I thought he was doing so well... till I went upstairs only to find him laying on the bed trying to find the perfect music to listen to on youtube while he folds. UGH! We only had an hour and he was wasting it! I tried so hard not to start shouting as he began explaining to me how the time got away from him and why he still hasn't done anything a half hour later.

Within a few moments, he finds some R Kelly hip hop song that he thinks is funny and starts singing and dancing around the room like he's Beyonce (literally - he said while doing one particular body-shaking move, "I learned this from Beyonce!" lol)! I try to stay looking at the clothes I'm folding so I don't laugh and encourage his nonsensical behavior, but it's just too darn funny! I wind up crying I'm laughing so hard.  He is such a character. I always tell him he's counterproductive because he is constantly trying to distract me from focusing on what I'm doing and he knows I HATE that. Let me focus and get the job done quickly - I don't want to be here all night!
To conclude the evening, after his dance performance, he runs at me, wraps me up in his arms and throws me on the bed and shouts, "I'M SO COUNTERPRODUCTIVE! muah-ah-ah-ah"

Who can resist that frustrating charm? ;)

At those moments, I have to check my attitude and remember that instead of getting mad at him for not being on task at the time I want him to be, enjoy him for who he is and remember that we won't always be young and able to have random dance parties in our room with loud obnoxious music! 

I may occasionally have a messy house, but it's always filled with laughter and fun. Can't ask for more.